So, here goes: the story of my watch. First, let us take a moment to pray that the copyright gods are dealing with something much more important (like whether or not Wikipedia can display the FBI’s seal?) OK, let’s go…

About seven years ago, when my younger son was an infant, our family took a trip to Los Angeles to visit some relatives. While we were there, we visited Disneyland. For those of us on the East Coast, Disneyland is a quaint throwback – kind of the Walt Disneyworld prototype, if you will. But heck – we were in the neighborhood and the kids offered a plausible excuse, so off we went.

On Main Street USA, I spied a watch store. At the time, I had been wearing a Mickey Mouse watch that my wife found in Macy’s for about $75. Obviously not a very fancy watch, but I found that I got more compliments on Mickey than all those people with the fancy Rolex watches got on their watches. But this store was different. From the street, I could see artists sitting next to large magnifying glasses, apparently drawing pictures that would be turned into watch faces.

I instantly had an idea. I entered the store and sat down with a fantastic Disney artist by the name of Dave Smith. I told Dave that now that my family was complete (my wife and I had agreed on two children and that’s what we had), I wanted a watch that showed Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, and two baby mice, and over each mouse’s head I wanted the names of my family members – Brian, Sherry, Avery and Brandon. This, I thought, would be a Mickey watch, but also a nice family memento that could be passed down through the generations.

Dave informed me that he could not simply draw two baby mice. Disney artwork needs to be consistent with the “Disney universe,” he explained. At first, I was disappointed. I thought, perhaps, of Donald and Daisy Duck with two of their three famous nephews (Huey and Dewey, but not Louie?). No, Dave informed me – the nephews always appear as a group of three. Dem’s the rules.

But then, Dave pulled out a hardcover copy of The Official Disney Encyclopedia, edited by his grandfather, also named Dave Smith, who was the chief archivist of the Walt Disney Archives for 25 years. Do I know how to pick ‘em or what? From the encyclopedia, we learned that Mickey had two nephews – Ferdie and Morty Fieldmouse, who appeared in the 1934 cartoon, Mickey’s Steamroller (Youtube). Armed with this information, Dave was now free to draw me the watch I wanted: Mickey, Minnie, Ferdie and Morty. One catch, though: Disney needs to approve all original drawings before they can appear on a watch. If I had chosen one of the stock images from the books they had on display, he’d have drawn it for me right then and there, but for a custom job, we had to wait for approval.

I bought and paid for my watch in the store, gave Dave my e-mail address, and walked away with nothing more than a receipt and the anticipation of my new watch. When I arrived home, this sketch was waiting for me in my inbox:

(Attention copyright folks and Disney lawyers: Quick! Look behind you! Someone’s writing Mickey/Minnie fanfic. It looks bad. Better investigate…)

Anyway, Dave explained that since the 1934 cartoon was drawn in the “old style,” he was required to draw the watch picture the same way (Mickey was a bit pudgier back then, his shorts had elastic at the bottom, and his face was more white, rather than skin-toned like it is now. Also, his nephews wore blue “onesies” rather than clothes). Again – all pictures must be consistent with the Disney universe. Impressed, both with their sense of history and with Dave’s drawing, I gave my approval and he submitted it to Disney corporate.

A few days later, I got disappointing news. Disney corporate rejected the image because, despite Ferdie and Morty being Mickey’s nephews, the picture looked too much like a family, and Mickey & Minnie are not permitted to be shown as having children (they are officially “just close friends.”)

Dave offered to refund my money and call the whole thing off, but I was determined not to give up. I did some research, and found that Ferdie and Morty appeared in the 1983 animated short film, Mickey’s Christmas Carol. Ferdie played Peter Cratchit and Morty landed the big role of Tiny Tim. Yes, that’s right – Disney restricts itself to the same “Disney Universe” rules, and they actually assign “actors” to the parts in these cartoons. It isn’t just any little mouse playing Tiny Tim, it’s Morty Fieldmouse of Mickey’s Steamroller fame. This discovery was significant, because it meant that Dave could now draw the mice in the modern style (by 1983, all the characters had graduated to the style we know today).

Still, we had the “looks like a family” issue to deal with. After some thought (and discussion with my wife), I decided to remove Minnie Mouse from the picture. It was, after all, my watch. And while I’d have loved to have all four of us represented, I’d rather have “Daddy and his boys” depicted than no watch at all. Dave drew up another sketch, sent it to me for approval (a resounding “Yes!”) and then obtained approval from Disney corporate. Some weeks later, the watch arrived in the mail, along with an 8×10 original ink drawing of the picture that was eventually miniaturized for the watch. Here’s the drawing in full, glorious color:

…and here’s the watch (as best as I could photograph it):

You’ll note that below Mickey’s feet is the word “Brian” (that’s me!), and that Ferdie and Morty are wearing T-Shirts that say “Avery” and “Brandon” on them. Dave thought the T-Shirts would look better than having their names floating above their heads and, of course, he was right!

One last detail, just to prove that the folks at Disney don’t miss a single thing. Here’s the clasp:

EPILOGUE: Years later, we were in Walt DisneyWorld in Florida, and the wife and kids went off on a bathroom run. Left by myself for a few minutes, I noticed the equivalent watch store, also on Main Street USA. I wandered in and showed one of the artists my watch. His eyes lit up like a schoolboy on Christmas Day. “May I see that?” he asked. I took the watch off and handed it to him, and he put it under one of those large magnifying glasses and examined it thoroughly. He then told me that he wished they’d let him do that kind of work in the Florida store, but because of the much higher traffic volume, they only offer a selection of pre-drawn scenes. Customers select one from the sample books and the artists draw them on the watches. I was suddenly even more glad that I had taken the time to get my watch when I was in California. Truly a one of a kind…

How cold was it? This cold:

Click on the frosted mouse ears above (or click here) to see 57 of the 400 pictures I took over six days. And be thankful I spared you all the video…

See ya’ real soon!

Disney parks stop scans for topless riders
May 5, 2009

ANAHEIM, Calif. (AP) — Disney says it will no longer scan riders on Splash Mountain and three other rides for guests who feel the need to flash their breasts for souvenir photos.

Disney confirmed Tuesday that it has reassigned employees at Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure who watched for breast-baring riders because “actual inappropriate behaviors by guests are rare.”

Disneyland spokeswoman Suzi Brown says the changes took effect Sunday at Splash Mountain, Tower of Terror, Space Mountain and California Screamin’.

Riders are photographed on the attractions and can then buy souvenir copies. Some have exposed their breasts in hopes that the picture would make it onto a photo preview screen at the ride’s exit.

The company began the screening about 10 years ago.

This one is courtesy of a side conversation with some of the Disney Wonder’s fantastic crew staff. It’s the Top Ten Crazy Things People Say on Cruise Ships. All, I am assured, are true stories:

10. Do these stairs go up?

9. Will this elevator take me to the front of the ship?

8. [While viewing the hundreds of photos the crew staff takes of you during the cruise and then tries to sell you later] How do I know which pictures are mine?

7. Does the crew staff live on-board the ship?

6. [When a chronic complainer who asked #7 was told that no, in fact, a helicopter picks them up every night at 1AM and they commute] I’d like to register a complaint – the helicopter that picked the crew up last night at 1AM made so much noise, it woke me up.

5. [Right after boarding the ship and going to his stateroom, but before the ship left port] I’d like my money back. I asked for a room with a “Sea View,” and when I go out on my veranda, all I can see is the parking lot!

4. [on Castaway Cay, Disney's private island] Will this tram take me to the Animal Kingdom Park? [n.b., Animal Kingdom is one of the parks in Disney World - in Orlando, Florida].

3. Disney really should have told me there was no casino on board – I’m very disappointed.

**Numbers 2 and 1 redacted because they are too dumb to mention here…

(Actually, I only had eight, but who ever heard of a “Top Eight” list? Damn Letterman…)

The MST3K-like commentary is from a fellow band alum and her family.

NOTE: When the slideshow loads, don’t forget to click “Show Info” in the upper right corner of the screen to read the captions I’ve written. It’ll help explain what you’re looking at.

This time around, though, we travelled with the University of Pennsylvania Band on a performance trip, which meant we got to hang out with some folks who were not as obsessed experienced with Disneyworld as we were. Their reaction to how we approached the park made me think, hey – maybe this information could be useful to the public at large.

And so a blog post was born. And so: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, presenting your guide to getting around the Magic Kingdom, Greenberg style!

1) Get there before the park opens
There’s a cute show when the park opens that involves Mickey and all his pals riding the steam train from Toontown to sprinkle magic pixie dust on the crowd, which opens the Magic Kingdom for the day. I believe it’s worth seeing (both for kids and adults) and besides, if you want to conquer the park quickly, you’re going to need all the time you can get.

2) Don’t Follow the Crowd
When the pixie dust flies and the doors open, just about everyone is going to run for the stroller rental or to Main Street USA for pictures of the castle, etc. This path leads to the dark side, my young apprentice. Instead, proceed directly to It’s a Small World, which is in Fantasyland, directly behind Cinderella’s castle. Important point here: you’ll need to walk down Main Street USA and around the castle itself to get there. Resist the urge to stop and take pictures of all the cool sights, even though everyone around you is doing it. You’ll have time for that later, and trust me – they’ll all look the same when you do.

3) Ride the Big Rides
If you make it through the gauntlet that is Main Street USA, you will likely be the first ones to reach It’s a Small World. Run through the empty, snake-line gates, reveling in your cleverness, and get in the first boat. Enjoy the ride! When you get out, proceed directly to Peter Pan’s Flight, which is right across the path from Small World. Again, there will be no line at all. Enjoy Peter and the gang as well.

Now you’re on a roll. Hang a left out of Peter Pan and follow the path around to the Haunted Mansion. By now, there may be a couple of families on line with you. Chuckle at what is the longest line you’ve seen so far today, and proceed directly into the mansion (recently redone and beautiful, by the way). After that, it’s a bit of a walk to the Pirates of the Caribbean (also recently redone – now with extra Jack Sparrow!). At Pirates, there will certainly be other people, but no line big enough to make you wait. Once again, enjoy the ride! When you get out, proceed rapidly through the gift shop and marvel at how they place the merchandise in precisely the right place to make the kids scream, “I want one! I want one!” Deflect their cries with talk of the Jungle Cruise (the “punniest” cruise on earth). This isn’t as big a ride as the others, but the line can get long if you wait to do it, so best to get it done early.

4) Pick Your Tier-2 Selection
By now, you’ve been in the park about an hour, and you’ve already experienced most of what people can wait hours in line to see. Take a minute to pat yourself on the back. Then, put on your thinking ears, because you’ve got some choices to make. There are two more sets of rides that can get crowded, and you have to decide which you want to approach first.

The first set is back in Fantasyland, and includes Dumbo the Flying Elephant, The Mad Tea Party (a.k.a., the Teacups), Mickey’s PhilharMagic (the best 3-D show in the park), The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Ariel’s Grotto (autograph opportunity with Ariel and a fun jumping fountain for the kids – but no ride), and while you’re there, Cinderella’s Carousel (this one’s a fast moving line at any time of the day, so no big rush).

The second set is in Tomorrowland, and includes Space Mountain, Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin (a shoot-em-up video game incorporated into a ride – see who in your family gets the high score!), the Tomorrowland Indy Speedway, and the Astro Orbiter.

Pick the set you like best and cover those rides, and then move on to the other set. You’ll probably have to break for lunch at some point during the second set, but at least you had a productive morning!

5) Mop Up the Remaining Rides
After that, you have just a few more things to do, which you can spend the afternoon on. The biggest items on the list are in Frontierland – Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. This might be the first time during the day you’ll need to use your Fast Pass (get a pass for one and wait on the line for the other).

After that, you’ve basically got the smaller rides left, so you can pick and choose to your own taste. None of them should have super long lines, so despite the crowds, you should find yourself moving at a pretty good pace throughout the day.

And remember, have a magical day!

Tweety, Donald Duck Summoned to Court
An Italian court ordered [Tweety Bird], along with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and his girlfriend Daisy, to testify in a counterfeiting case.

In what lawyers believe was a clerical error worthy of a Looney Tunes cartoon, a court in Naples sent a summons to the characters ordering them to appear Friday in a trial in the southern Italian city, officials said.

Instead of naming only the companies and their legal representatives, clerks also wrote in the witness list the names of the cartoons that decorated the toys and gadgets the man had reproduced, said Fiorenza Sorotto, vice president of Disney Company Italia.

The Naples court will have to rewrite the summons, although this will probably delay the trial, said Disney lawyer Cristina Ravelli.

Ya know, first the baseball players are all on steroids, then the pop singers are going to jail for DUI, and now Mickey & Donald are found counterfeiting. What’s a kid to do for heroes these days?

Personally, I think I’m going to steer my kids away from Italian Court Clerks…

Here’s how a professional writer expresses exactly what I was feeling, but with such eloquence and wit as to make me want to give up writing anything ever again:

Having spent four days in the realm of the Mouse, you could cut my wrists and I’d bleed Disney Kool-Aid. Because that’s how much I drank. [...]

It’s clean. It’s so clean and perfect you wonder why everything doesn’t look like this. But why is it clean? . . . Why can’t we have cities that look like this, and theme parks full of urban grot for the people who want that authentic experience that graffiti-slathered-metal-shutters represent? [...]

The park isn’t open, so we join the throng of hardcores and neophytes, waiting for . . . what? The answer comes in a few minutes: a train, an actual steam train, appears above, with all the Beloved Licensed and Trademarked Characters leaning out and waving. Including Cindyrelly! A welcome song is sung; everyone waves back (including me, I note – I haven’t even set foot in the place yet and I’m almost weeping at the sight of Goofy.) The music! The architecture! The trains! From the very first moment, it’s like a live wire jammed into your Disney Lobe, a part of your brain that’s been rewiring since you were very small, just so it could release endorphins at this very moment. All that’s missing is Disney himself in a white robe and sandals, carrying a lamb, projected against the sky. If they’d done that I would have bloodied my knees. [...]

The breakfast? The best hotel breakfast ever. They don’t take your order. There’s no point in taking your order, because they know what you want so they might as well bring it. You get a big plate of eggs, bacon, potatoes and sausages, plus tiny Belgian waffles shaped like you-know-who. This is what it means to be an American: pouring syrup on Mickey’s head and eating him. It’s secular communion. [...]

Disney employees seem to come in two flavors: there are those [who] are working . . . for Disney. Whatever. Then there are those who are WORKING for DISNEY! And they just beam because they are having the best day at the best job in the best place ever. There might be some people like that at Microsoft, and grew up with a Bill Gates doll they took everywhere, but they’re few. [...]

Oy. Wow. Yes. Yes, indeed.

Oh, man – this is absolutely pitch perfect. I wish I had the words to express how precisely this encapsulates the feeling of being there. But, of course, if I could do that, I’d have written them myself in the first place. Sigh…

If you’re considering going to Disney (or if you’ve ever been), I implore you to read the whole thing. Then, when you’re done, click over to my pages and laugh at the relative incompetence – my ego needs the pageviews!

:-)

If it happens, I think the first thing he’d do is turn Mickey into a one-button mouse:

Much more user-friendly, no?