This edition of “Things You See While” is brought to you by my family’s recent trip to Boston, MA.  It was an eventful drive.  First, there was the rainbow that followed the rather impressive sun shower:

To pass the time on the trip, I gave the kids maps of the United States and magic markers, and told them to color in the states they saw on the license plates we passed.  Imagine my surprise when we passed this bus:

It’s a little hard to see, but that’s one vehicle with two license plates – one from New York and one from Connecticut.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like that before, leaving me rather unprepared to explain it to my kids.

And speaking on unexplainable, I told them from the start that there’s one license plate they definitely wouldn’t see – Hawaii.  We talked about how Hawaii was a series of islands, and how the only way to see a Hawaiian license plate is to find someone who had their car shipped to the mainland, which is expensive and rare.  Of course, by the end of the trip…

Sorry for the fuzzy picture (Hawaiians, apparently, drive like maniacs), but I did the best Photoshop job I could.  If you can’t see it clearly, you’re just going to have to trust me – it was an honest to goodness Hawaiian license plate on the Garden State Parkway!  Needless to say, there was much excitement and coloring with magic markers!

create your own personalized map of the USA

In my case, I’ve gone a bit further, and combined the family members onto one map.  As you can see by the key in the lower right, the red states are the ones my wife and I have both visited, the blue states are the ones that only I have visited, the yellow states are the ones that only my wife has visited, and the dots represent the travels of our children (Green representing Avery’s states, Orange representing Brandon’s).

If you’re interested in the requisite state-by-state breakdown, click through the break.

(And if you’re Barack Obama, apologies for the near-coronary.  This is not, in fact, a political map.  Red and Blue were just convenient colors in Photoshop…)

Arizona:  My wife’s parents took her and her brother on the typical “Canyons” vacation that included both Utah and Arizona.  Since I wasn’t there, I’ll only mention that the pictures were cool, and that Jason Bennion would probably be very disappointed with all the things they didn’t see in Utah while they were there.

California:  I have several aunts/uncles/cousins in California, so the family has been there on numerous occasions for Bar Mitzvah’s and the like.  One of those trips, as many of my frequent readers will not be surprised to learn, included Disneyland.  My wife and I also went once before the kids were born and fulfilled the Tourist Pilgrimage requirements (Rodeo Drive, Tour of the Stars’ homes, Hollywood Walk of Fame, dinner at Spago, celebrity sightings, etc.)

Colorado:  Years ago, I attended a business seminar in Denver.  All I remember about it is good food, and Coors field is actually covered with aluminum siding to make it look like a beer can.  Yuk…

Connecticut:  Several visits to family and friends (one with Avery before Brandon was born, making it one of only four states with just one dot).  Also, home of Yale University, a frequent destination while I was a member of The University of Pennsylvania Band.

Delaware:  I worked in Wilmington, Delaware for a short period of time (highlight:  cows crossing the road).  Otherwise, it’s a state we drive through on the way to Virginia.

Florida:  M-I-C….K-E-Y…..M-O-U-S-E.  Need I say more?

Georgia:  The longest part of a family drive to Florida (Sherry and I have both done this separately, before we were married).  I also attended a business conference in Atlanta once.  Buckhead was fun.  The Braves were in the playoffs, and I saw a sign offering tickets to “Tonight’s Playoff Game.”  Let’s just say you don’t see that kind of thing here in New York…

Hawaii:  Our honeymoon.  Maui, Kauai, The Big Island of Hawaii, and Oahu.  Heaven on earth with a nice, straw hat.  The highlights are none of your business.  ;-)

Illinois:  We had friends who lived in Chicago at one point, and went to visit them for a weekend.  Highlights included a Cubs/Mets game at Wrigley Field (“SRO” tickets & we still found awesome seats!), watching a taping of ER, and getting to see all the flowers/candles for Princess Diana (we happened to be there the weekend she was killed).  I also have business colleagues in Chicago, so my current job takes me to the Sears Tower periodically (big, but not as big as the Mall of America – see Minnesota below).

Kansas:  Years ago, I had a 2-day business trip to Kansas City which, to my surprise is located in both Kansas and Missouri (until then, I had assumed that there were two cities in the U.S. named Kansas City, but the river that divides the states actually divides the city as well).  So, in travelling between the hotel, the office, and various restaurants, I was in both states several times.  Highlight:  one of our party ordered the “if you finish the steak it’s free” steaks, finished it, and received comments about it in the office the next day from someone who wasn’t even at dinner with us.  Small town, Kansas City…

Kentucky:  Years ago, my wife went to a business conference in Cincinnati, and got there by flying to Kentucky and then driving the rest of the way.  The most impressive thing I can say about Kentucky is that she remembered why she was there so many years later.

Maine:  Our good friends, Courtney and Steve, got married in Maine, so we were up there for the wedding (again with Avery only – they were married before Brandon was born, so again – only one dot).  Highlights of the trip included the wedding (Duh!), the L.L. Bean outlet store, and the rustic beauty of the place (nice to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.  Your mileage may vary…)

Maryland:  Also a state we drive through on the way to Virginia.  Sherry and I took an actual trip to Baltimore once (Harbor, Aquarium, Babe Ruth’s childhood home.  Meh…), and we’ve gone with friends to Camden Yards (great place to watch a ball game).  Still haven’t taken the kids to the ballpark there.  Must put that on a list…

Massachusetts:  The aforementioned Courtney and Steve live in Boston, so we’ve been there to visit them (and are going back in a few weeks!).  That was before Brandon was born, so again – only one dot.  Also, Harvard University is there, so I’ve made several trips as a member of the University of Pennsylvania Band.  Highlights:  singing bad a cappella in Harvard Square and having Boston residents toss money at us, taking the “T” from one college to another to attend various college parties, etc.

Michigan:  We have cousins in Michigan as well.  The last time we visited, though, was before Brandon was born, so only one dot for Michigan as well.  It’s OK, though, they’ve come to visit us in New Jersey, so everyone has had the opportunity to meet & spend time with everyone else by now…

Minnesota:  More cousins to visit, also with both kids in tow.  Highlights of our trip included the Minnesota State Fair (Everything!  On a Stick!  Also, getting to meet James Lileks & having him mention me in the next day’s Daily Bleat), and the Mall of America (Big.  No really big.  Even bigger than you’re imaging.  Bigger still.  Yeah – that’s about it.  Put it this way:  the indoor amusement park is housed in what used to be the old Minnesota baseball stadium.  And then the mall is built around that.)

Missouri:  See Kansas.

Nevada:  One of my aunts/uncles/cousins lived in Las Vegas for a time, so my wife and I went to visit them once (also pre-kids).  We not only got to see/gamble in the casinos, but my Uncle (since passed away) took us to see Louis Prima and Keely Smith, as well as his favorite casino hotel buffet.  Interestingly, these activities remain more memorable than the casinos…

New Hampshire:  Several trips to Dartmouth college as a member of the University of Pennsylvania Band.  Summary of New Hampshire:  Dartmouth is known as The Big Green.  You’ll note the apparent lack of a noun (Big Green What?!?!?).  Turns out, “Green” is the noun.  The whole state is a big….well, Green.

New Jersey:  Home, sweet home.

New York:  No way to summarize New York in a paragraph.  Suffice to say I work there, and my family and I are there quite often.  If you want to read more about New York, check out my New York, New York category.

North Carolina:  My current job puts me in Charlotte, NC quite often, so I’ve gotten to know the place.  Nice people, nice restaurants, free WiFi in the airport.  Otherwise, meh…  Also, a family vacation to Aruba landed us in Charlotte for a night when we missed a connecting flight home.  So Sherry and the kids have been there as well, but probably only remember the airport and the airline-provided hotel.

Ohio:  See Kentucky.  Although I should also add that one day, I’d love to see the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and a game at Jacob’s Field in Cleveland (I’m told they’re walking distance from each other).

Pennsylvania:  Home of our alma mater, The University of Pennsylvania (didn’t see that coming, now did you?).  Sherry and I have been back for every Homecoming (Fall) and Alumni Weekend (Spring) since we graduated in 1990/1991.  Our kids began joining us as they were born, and now believe that Penn is the only college in America (not really…but almost.)

Rhode Island:  Home of Brown University, so another state visited courtesy of the University of Pennsylvania Band.  Highlights:  it doesn’t take long to leave.  To be fair, Providence is probably a poor example of Rhode Island.  I’ve heard Newport is gorgeous, but I’ve never been.  Sherry’s been to Rhode Island separately from me, so she’s probably a better judge.  Alas, she doesn’t have a blog.  Sorry, Rhode Island…

South Carolina:  Sherry and I went to Hilton Head with some cousins one year.  Also, we’ve both driven to Florida from the New York area once.  ONCE…

Tennessee:  Another business conference, this time in Nashville.  We stayed in the Opryland Hotel – at the time, at least, the largest hotel under a single roof in the United States.  Why they’d put the largest hotel in Nashville was (and still is) beyond me.  Anyway, we left the hotel one evening and went downtown, which consisted of a (mobbed) TGI Fridays, and a series of really, really awful strip clubs.  Also, a female cab driver (first and only one I’ve seen) who, upon picking us up, immediately asked us whether or not we thought Dolly Parton had had a boob job.  Lovely place, Nashville.  Can’t wait to go back.  Not…

Texas:  I’ve been to Texas twice, both on business (Dallas and Austin).  In Austin, I never left the conference’s hotel.  In Dallas, we took a day and saw the book depository, the grassy knoll, and the requisite kook standing on the knoll with a sign explaining his personal conspiracy theory.  The person I was with had never seen JFK, so we went to Blockbuster that night, and rented both a VCR and the movie, then ordered in pizza and watched it in a Dallas hotel room.  Neither of us had a Blockbuster card before then either, which is why, to this day, my Blockbuster card says “Dallas, TX” on the back.

Utah:  See Arizona.

Vermont:  This blog entry was so easy to write because I’ve been carrying around an electronic list of the states my family and I have visited for years (on various PDA devices).  Vermont is checked for both Sherry and I, but to be honest with you, I cannot, for the life of me, remember when or why we were in Vermont.  Highlights:  None whatsoever.

Virginia:  More friends and family to visit.  Highlights include, well, Washington, DC to be honest.  We’ve done the museums and monuments several times, including this past July 4th weekend. Good fun all around…

A 410-year-old clam. “The clam, nicknamed Ming after the Chinese dynasty in power when it was born, was in its infancy when Queen Elizabeth I was on the throne and Shakespeare was writing plays such as Othello and Hamlet.” And for all those years, it was happy as a . . . well, you know.

Nice one, Glenn. I’m groaning with you, not at you, I swear…

But it does remind me of a story from my past.

My wife and I went to Israel in 1997 and toured around the country on one of those package deals. One of the first stops was Masada, the famous mountain in southern Israel where ancient Jews held off the Roman army for quite some time, until they eventually committed mass suicide rather than be captured.

When you’re on Masada, your tour guide tells you that it’s considered bad luck to remove rocks, stones, pebbles, etc. from the mountain. So, of course, everyone grabs a rock and puts it in their pocket. Here’s the one I grabbed:

When I got it back to my hotel room, I washed it off, so I could put it in my suitcase without covering everything in dirt and mud. On doing so, I noticed the Hebrew letter (either a Vet or a Kaf – it’s hard to tell) that had been written on it, likely thousands of years ago when the Jews were there fighting the Romans. I’ve kept it to this day, as an interesting historical artifact and a nice reminder of a wonderful trip.

But, as with Ming the Clam, I distinctly remember the following thoughts going through my head:

1) “Wow…a Hebrew letter! This rock was around in the time of the Romans. It must be thousands of years old!”

2) “Come to think of it…*ALL* rocks are thousands of years old. After all, it’s not like they’re making new ones…”

As a daily Bleat reader, I made one additional suggestion. Isn’t the Minnesota State Fair going on? Wouldn’t the kids enjoy spending a day there? Also, I know someone who’s working there (well, “know” in the web-sense of the word – read what he writes every day & send him an occasional e-mail, which he reads and occasionally responds to as one of a sea of e-mails he receives from loyal readers).

Anyway, off to the fair we went:

A few rides, a TON of food (including several things “on a stick” that you wouldn’t expect to find on a stick – including a Snickers Bar), and then the long walk back to the car (we had a pretty good parking spot. I believe they call the lot “Wisconsin.”) Anyway, on the way back we passed the Star Tribune booth and I dragged the family off the beaten path for a second. “Excuse me, is James Lileks here?” “Why sure – he’s on the back porch.”

Perfect.

And so it was that I got to meet the man who writes the words I read every morning on my way to work. I told him so, and he said it made his day. Then he gave us some sage advice about holding our breath during the tour of the animal exhibits, and we were off – him to his Buzz.mn writing, us to our car. The next morning, this time at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport waiting for our flight, I pull up the today’s Daily Bleat. Lo & behold, look what I see:

It’s wonderfully gratifying to meet people at the Fair who read the stuff and enjoy it. (One fellow came up to the Official Buzz.mn Porch today, and told me he reads the Bleat on his Blackberry while taking the train into NYC. To Rockefeller Center! Made my day.)

Now how friggin’ cool is that? James, if you’re reading this (and there’s a chance you are, since I’m going to e-mail it to you as soon as I’m done posting it), please know that reading the reference to us the next morning made my day as well (and my wife’s day & my kids’ day…)

One more picture from the fair. It strikes me as something the Bleat-master himself might have posted if he had taken it (and, of course, he’s free to pilfer it as his discretion if he so chooses). Some contextual irony that can only be understood after passing the “Gator on a Stick” and “Teriyaki Ostrich on a Stick” booths:

Like I said – Perfect.

Well, yesterday, I was on the 7:30 flight out of Charlotte. The weather was beautiful in both cities. The planes were where they were supposed to be. The crews were available and ready to take off. All the stars had aligned. So?

A 90 minute delay.

It seems Air Force One was on a runway in Newark airport, causing Newark to issue a full ground stop (as is normal procedure for Air Force One) until President Bush departed. Now, to be fair, I got on standby for the 6:30 flight, and made it home at around the expected time, but still – we were so close to an on-time departure!

That settles it – I’m definitely not voting for that guy again…

– Walk a marathon (avg speed = 4.4 mph)

– Cook 120 three-minute eggs (one at a time)

– Watch two average length NFL football games or two MLB Baseball games (or one of each!)

– Watch three average length movies (or four average length Disney films)

– Arrive on time for yesterday’s 3:20 Continental Airlines flight from Charlotte, NC to Newark, NJ and wait for it to take off.

GRRRRRR…..

They also pre-board their frequent flyers to provide an incentive for becoming one of their regular customers. Makes perfect sense.

So how come, when the flight’s a commuter flight (i.e., Chicago to Newark at 6:30pm), and more than half the passengers are frequent flyers, do they just randomly board all the frequent flyers first, as opposed to boarding the frequent flyers from the back of the plane forward? Wouldn’t it be better for everyone, including the frequent flyers, if they didn’t have to step over each other once onboard?

I’m just askin’ is all…

– An 8-yr old Bahamanian kid who sat next my wife on the plane down there told her he’d been on many planes, but never one that crashed. He asked my wife if she’d ever been on one that crashed. It’s always great to see kids with goals…

– If anyone was wondering where all the smokers went after American cities starting banning smoking in public places, fear not – I now know the answer. It seems “all you can drink” also draws the “all you can smoke crowd.” Before this weekend, I might have told you it was impossible to smoke a cigarette while swimming, but not anymore…

– During our stay, a Bahamanian couple got married on the beach. Very beautiful, very romantic, yadda yadda yadda. That night, the groom was sitting at a blackjack table with us, losing $100 a hand. On his wedding night. Without his wife. Prognosis is not good…

– Speaking of the blackjack tables, and mostly because Jeff will ask, there is no Texas Hold’em in Paradise Island. Just some video poker, slots, and the usual array of table games. I lost some money up front, but got hot at thw blackjack table the last night and walked away with an extra $200 for the weekend. No complaints here…

– Had lunch in the airport Burger King on the trip home. The french fries came in one of those molded paper containers as per usual, but this one was labeled a “Frypod.” Shouldn’t someone be suing someone about this?

– Also on the trip home, our plane flew over a rainbow. Got to see the whole circle – very cool. As the songwriter wrote, “Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow, why oh why can’t I?”

Another successful day in the office. We split up at the end of the day, so I had to make my way back to the hotel, change clothes, and then head out to Picadilly Circus to meet a colleague for dinner. It’s amazing how 24 hours in a new city is enough to get you oriented. I was able to navigate the Tube (including adding money to my Oyster card and transferring lines halfway through the trip), and was able to walk around downtown London enough to find the hotel and Picadilly. Next time I’m there, it’ll take even less time to get my bearings, I’m sure…

As for the evening, we had dinner at a small Italian place right off Trafalgar Square (by the way, why is that one a square, while everything else is a circle/circus?) After that, we walked toward Buckingham Palace, and then down the Thames’ bank to see Westminster Abbey, Parliament, Big Ben, and the Millenium Eye. By the time we got to Big Ben, it had grown dark. IMHO, Big Ben’s much more impressive when it’s lit up at night. At any rate, it was great to see some of the sights before heading home.

And oh, by the way, for all the political bickering that goes on around here, there is still something indescribably comforting about touching down in the United States after having been away.

We had a successful day at work, including navigating the commuter trains to & from the office. Here’s a neat fact, by the way: some of the commuter trains divide in the middle of their trips, with the first four coaches (cars) going to one destination and the second four going to another. So you can get on the right train at the right time and still wind up in the wrong place! This must be why Britons don’t fall asleep on commuter trains as often as Americans do.

Of course, they still haven’t solved the same problem we have in the States, namely: how in the name of all that is holy am I supposed to figure out if I’m in the first four cars? It’s not like I can get out of the train and count them. My only real option is to start walking forward until I’m either in the front car, or can see the front car from where I’m standing (i.e., the second car). If they’re going to make announcements like that, why don’t they just list the car numbers. And if they’re not going to list the numbers, why did they bother numbering the cars at all?!? <soapbox>

Anyway, after work, we grabbed some fast food and headed over to a stereotypical English pub to watch a World Cup Match (Brazil def. Croatia, 1-0). Great fun (and Guiness) was had by all. I know this isn’t really news to anyone (not even me), but these folks root for soccer teams like they’re the New York Yankees. I will admit, though, soccer is a whole lot more exciting when you’re in a room with a couple hundred drunk Europeans who are really excited about it.

Two folks asked me during the game if I was from Brazil. I guess my New Yawk accent is fading… ;-)