I've avoided blogging about the Paris Hilton saga, because I find the whole thing to be nothing more than a trumped up soap opera, starring Paris Hilton as the forlorn victim, and our criminal justice system as the bumbling fool.

That said, today's episode, in which Paris calls her mother from jail while her mother is coincidentally on the phone with none other than Barbara Walters, who promptly launches into an interview which is then immediately released to the media hounds, contained two rather irresistible quotes. First, Paris on her on-screen persona:

"I used to act dumb," [Paris] told Babs. "It was an act. That act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who look up to me."

Next, Paris Hilton on what it's like to be in jail:

"I was severely depressed and felt as if I was in a cage...It was a horrible experience."

Well, Paris, it's like this: you ARE in a cage. That's the whole idea. So much for losing the "dumb" act for those young girls who look up to you...

Tune in next week, when every activist group you can think of sues the LA County Sheriff to get someone in their group free publicity equal treatment under the law. Future episodes will also include interviews with Paris' new spiritual advisor, her dramatic release from prison, her declaration that she's found God, and the launch of her new Ronald McDonald-like home for children.

Oh, and as long as I'm here, one last note: the article I linked to above (from E! Online) is flanked by an add for Paris' reality show, The Simple Life, with a new episode airing this Sunday at 10pm on E!. Coincidence? No more than anything else in this post, I suspect...