Big ol' tip of the hat to Mike Starr, who passed along today's schedule for his local library, the Plainview - Old Bethpage Public Library. Here's a quick summary (emphasis mine):

10:00 AM-SENIOROBICS
10:30 AM-SENIOR BOOK DISCUSSION
11:00 AM-SENIOROBICS
3:30 PM-Girl Scouts Troop 3051
3:30 PM-Hospice of New York
6:30 PM-NATIONAL OVARIAN CAN COALITION NY LI DIVISION
8:00 PM-National Stuttering Association
8:00 PM-National Stuttering Association

You can't make up stuff like this...