The thoughts and theories of a guy who basically should have gone to bed hours ago.
I know, I know - what's the point? But look at it this way - I stayed up late writing it, but you're reading it...
Let's call ourselves even & move on, OK?
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Second Most Famous Family in Springfield
Hey, check it out - two Simpsons posts in a row!
This one comes with a big tip o' the hat to Lee Salz, who sent me one of the best sites I've seen in ages - Simpsonizeme.com. Just give it a 640x480 picture of your face, and it will draw you as a Simpsons character. To wit:
For the Penn grads out there (and anyone who's ever visited the Penn campus, I guess), check out this screen shot from this week's episode of The Simpsons, entitled "That 90's Show."
For the uninitiated, that button in the background is a representation of Claes Oldenburg & Coosje Van Bruggen's Split Button, which sits in front of Van Pelt Library at the center of the University of Pennsylvania's campus.
As any prime time TV junkie can tell you, the never-ending writer's strike has caused another resurgence in the game show and reality show genres of television. Most of it is crap, of course, but my wife and I have become fond of a little game show called Don't Forget the Lyrics, hosted by Wayne Brady.
The basic premise of the show is simple: a contestant is asked to pick one of two songs in a given category. The band (Ricky Minor and the band, of American Idol fame) plays the song and the contestant sings along, karaoke-style, with the words on a screen. At some point, the band and the lyrics stop, and the contestant must provide the next line of the song from memory. If they get it right, they win money. If not, they go home.
The first few rounds are typically easier - only three or four missing words, typically somewhere in the song's chorus. That way, even if they don't know the song well, contestants still have a decent chance of moving ahead. Later on, as the prize money grows, the lyrics get more obscure.
Got it? OK. Now look at this:
The song is KC & The Sunshine Band's "Shake Your Booty." The lyric the contestant was given was "Shake, Shake, Shake, _____ _____ _____." The yellow text in the middle of the screen is the contestant's attempt to fill in the blanks.
Here's the thing, though - look at the very top of the screen. The song title is displayed as follows: "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty." So basically, the answer is right there on the top of the screen, while the contestant is asked to offer a guess.
I know the first few songs are supposed to be easy, but isn't this a bit much? At least she got it right...
Last Friday, January 18, 2008, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 12,099.30. This past Friday, January 25, 2008, the DJIA closed at 12,207.17, a gain of 107.87 points. No big deal, right?
Except during the week, it got as low as 11,644.08 and as high as 12,481.60. That's a swing of 837.52 points, or almost 7%, in just four days (Monday was the Martin Luther King Day holiday). Wednesday's swing alone was almost 600 points.
Lesson learned: today's stock market is not for the feint of heart. Also, don't panic. It will all work itself out in the end...
Jason Bennion points us to a story about the Westboro Baptist Church in Topkea, Kansas, who plans to picket Heath Ledger's funeral because he played a gay character in "Brokeback Mountain."
I tend to view blatant homophobia, as well as most other kinds of bigotry, as some combination of ignorance and stupidity. I feel like the vast majority of society has gotten past these hangups, and tends to view folks who still walk around hating others as the exception, rather than the rule. To be sure, there are still nuances around the edges of prejudice that we need to work through, but as far as institutionalized or formalized hatred, I think it's at least on the rapid decline, if not altogether eliminated. Call me optimistic, call me naive, just don't call me late for dinner...
Anyway, the folks at the Westboro Baptist Church are doing their best to test my theory. Check this out:
"You cannot live in defiance of God," [Shirley Phelps-Roper, spokesperson for the Church] said. "He got on that big screen with a big, fat message: God is a liar and it's OK to be gay. Heath Ledger is now in Hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there."
So what they're saying here, I think, is that it's not only wrong to be gay, it's wrong to pretend to be gay as well. I'm no expert, but even if you're in the "homosexuality is a sin" camp, you would think that God would be able to tell the difference.
Although I guess if you take this ridiculous logic to its ultimate conclusion, it's possible that Mr. Ledger is in pretend Hell, serving his eternal sentence for his pretend sins.
But wait, there's more:
Started 1955, the Topeka, Kan.-based church has conducted over 34,000 peaceful demonstrations opposing the homosexual lifestyle, according to their Web site, GodHatesFags.com. The organization runs various Web sites, including GodHatesAmerica.com and others that condemn lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, Muslims, Roman Catholics and Jews as well as certain nationalities, according to Wikipedia.
"God hates fags," [Ms. Phelps-Roger] said. "The wrath of God has been revealed before the eyes of this nation with the death of Heath Ledger. . . . This nation worships the dead almost as much as they worship their filthy sex acts. America is doomed."
The article also says the group is known for picketing the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq. So many people to hate, so little time...
So there you go - ignorance and stupidity, or evidence of systemic intolerance? I'm hoping that folks like Jason and I are the majority now, and the disgust/disbelief we have for people like this reflect our society's norms. Who's with me?!?
It was a productive Martin Luther King Day for the Gaffe Machine, as two prominent political figures were caught doing embarrassing things on Monday. And since one of them involves sleeping, my Google Analytics stats are already showing search queries about it, so I figure I better mention it here.
Here's Bill Clinton falling asleep during an MLK Day church sermon while having the misfortune of being seated right behind the pastor:
Then there's Mitt Romney, who took a picture with a bunch of African American kids (get it? MLK Day and he's with African American kids? Subtle, huh?) and said "Who has the camera?" followed, rather unfortunately, by "Who let the dogs out? Whoo! Whoo!"
Just for the record, I don't think either of these things are a big deal at all. As I mentioned when I coined the term Gaffe Machine, I think our media-glut, youtube-enabled, short-attention-span culture takes life's little embarrassing moments and spins them up into center stage, double spotlight productions. Those who seek to embarrass these men will use these clips for that purpose, but they don't say anything (positive or negative) about the men themselves.
First, these twopages are fascinating to compare. To summarize: Hillary Clinton has raised almost $91 million in this campaign. Barack Obama has raised over $80 million, Mitt Romney - $63 million, Rudy Giuliani - $47 million, John McCain - $32 million. Mike Huckabee? Just under $2.5 million. Only Dennis Kucinich, Duncan Hunter and Mike Gravel have raised less. And this is the guy who won the Iowa Caucus!
A mailer from [Texas congressional candidate, Dean Hrbacek] contains a photo of his head attached to an image of a different body that makes him look thinner.
The photo is presented as a true image of [Hrbacek], a Republican former mayor of Sugar Land. In reality, it is a computerized composite of Hrbacek's face and someone else's slimmer figure, in suit and tie, from neck to knee.
Campaign manager Scott Broschart acknowledged to The Houston Chronicle that the image is a fake. Hrbacek has been so busy that he had no time to pose for a full-length photo for the mailing, Broschart said.
"He may appreciate that we took a few pounds off him," Broschart said. "I think the voters ... are more concerned with the issues as opposed to pretty photo shoots."
Yes, the issues. Like, for instance, can we trust the candidate to be truthful with us when his own campaign brochure contains a doctored photo of the candidate himself. Or the issue of what else he'll decide to fake because he doesn't have time to do it the right way. Maybe some congressional votes?
I mean, seriously, I'm sure being a Congressman is a tough job. But can't we find 435 people who can get the easy stuff right, and then judge them on how they handle the hard stuff? Is it really that hard?
This is a couple of weeks old already, but I still find it fascinating:
A pair of twins who were adopted by separate families as babies got married without knowing they were brother and sister, a peer told the House of Lords.
"They were never told that they were twins," he told the Lords. "They met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation."
Here's the most surprising part: I didn't even know Mark Hamil and Carrie Fisher were dating, nor did I know they were British.
If you commute on New Jersey Transit as I do, it's not unusual to find more than half the train sleeping on their way to work. Or so I've heard, anyway, because I'm typically part of that crowd.
Anyway, the other day I got on the train and fell asleep and had a strange dream. I dreamt that I was on the train and couldn't fall asleep, despite being exhausted.
The strangest part of a dream like that is waking up when the train reaches the city, and sorting out in my foggy state of mind that my inability to sleep was just a dream, which meant I not only could fall asleep but had done so quite successfully.
You know, now that I think about it, I better go get some sleep right now as well. Unless, of course, this blog post is just a dream I'm having...
The family and I have just returned from our third trip to Disneyworld in three years, which I guess earns us some points on the Disney expert meter. To be sure, our family's approach to The Magic Kingdom is much like the U.S. Army - we do more before 10AM than most people do all day.
This time around, though, we travelled with the University of Pennsylvania Band on a performance trip, which meant we got to hang out with some folks who were not as obsessed experienced with Disneyworld as we were. Their reaction to how we approached the park made me think, hey - maybe this information could be useful to the public at large.
And so a blog post was born. And so: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, presenting your guide to getting around the Magic Kingdom, Greenberg style!
1) Get there before the park opens There's a cute show when the park opens that involves Mickey and all his pals riding the steam train from Toontown to sprinkle magic pixie dust on the crowd, which opens the Magic Kingdom for the day. I believe it's worth seeing (both for kids and adults) and besides, if you want to conquer the park quickly, you're going to need all the time you can get.
2) Don't Follow the Crowd When the pixie dust flies and the doors open, just about everyone is going to run for the stroller rental or to Main Street USA for pictures of the castle, etc. This path leads to the dark side, my young apprentice. Instead, proceed directly to It's a Small World, which is in Fantasyland, directly behind Cinderella's castle. Important point here: you'll need to walk down Main Street USA and around the castle itself to get there. Resist the urge to stop and take pictures of all the cool sights, even though everyone around you is doing it. You'll have time for that later, and trust me - they'll all look the same when you do.
3) Ride the Big Rides If you make it through the gauntlet that is Main Street USA, you will likely be the first ones to reach It's a Small World. Run through the empty, snake-line gates, reveling in your cleverness, and get in the first boat. Enjoy the ride! When you get out, proceed directly to Peter Pan's Flight, which is right across the path from Small World. Again, there will be no line at all. Enjoy Peter and the gang as well.
Now you're on a roll. Hang a left out of Peter Pan and follow the path around to the Haunted Mansion. By now, there may be a couple of families on line with you. Chuckle at what is the longest line you've seen so far today, and proceed directly into the mansion (recently redone and beautiful, by the way). After that, it's a bit of a walk to the Pirates of the Caribbean (also recently redone - now with extra Jack Sparrow!). At Pirates, there will certainly be other people, but no line big enough to make you wait. Once again, enjoy the ride! When you get out, proceed rapidly through the gift shop and marvel at how they place the merchandise in precisely the right place to make the kids scream, "I want one! I want one!" Deflect their cries with talk of the Jungle Cruise (the "punniest" cruise on earth). This isn't as big a ride as the others, but the line can get long if you wait to do it, so best to get it done early.
4) Pick Your Tier-2 Selection By now, you've been in the park about an hour, and you've already experienced most of what people can wait hours in line to see. Take a minute to pat yourself on the back. Then, put on your thinking ears, because you've got some choices to make. There are two more sets of rides that can get crowded, and you have to decide which you want to approach first.
The first set is back in Fantasyland, and includes Dumbo the Flying Elephant, The Mad Tea Party (a.k.a., the Teacups), Mickey's PhilharMagic (the best 3-D show in the park), The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Ariel's Grotto (autograph opportunity with Ariel and a fun jumping fountain for the kids - but no ride), and while you're there, Cinderella's Carousel (this one's a fast moving line at any time of the day, so no big rush).
The second set is in Tomorrowland, and includes Space Mountain, Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin (a shoot-em-up video game incorporated into a ride - see who in your family gets the high score!), the Tomorrowland Indy Speedway, and the Astro Orbiter.
Pick the set you like best and cover those rides, and then move on to the other set. You'll probably have to break for lunch at some point during the second set, but at least you had a productive morning!
5) Mop Up the Remaining Rides After that, you have just a few more things to do, which you can spend the afternoon on. The biggest items on the list are in Frontierland - Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. This might be the first time during the day you'll need to use your Fast Pass (get a pass for one and wait on the line for the other).
After that, you've basically got the smaller rides left, so you can pick and choose to your own taste. None of them should have super long lines, so despite the crowds, you should find yourself moving at a pretty good pace throughout the day
So, there you go. The Magic Kingdom in one, whirlwind day (OK, maybe two - it depends how much time you spend in each place). Pass the word along, but not to too many people - we don't want them ruining our method, after all.
Hey...check out the cool web gadget just below the Previous Posts section in the left nav bar. It displays the last five blog posts that link to familygreenberg.com, including screen shots of the posts themselves. Kind of a trackback system for the entire site, but with pictures!
If you want to add it to your blog, click on the Add This to Your Blog link on the top of the widget, or just click here.
Both of these stories seem like they should be bigger news:
1) Scientists have discovered the source of antimatter. No word yet on what this means for Star Trek-inspired inventions.
2) Experts at Germany's Heidelberg University have discovered the true identity of the Mona Lisa. The painting, which is also known as "La Gioconda" (Italian for "joyful woman"), is a portrait of a woman named Lisa del Giocondo. Lisa? Giocondo? Go figure...
If you're like me, you're wondering whether these caucuses and primaries really matter, or whether it's just something to occupy the news media until the nominating conventions. Here's some data that may help:
So on the one hand, yes, it does matter. Over the last 32 years, Iowa and New Hampshire have successfully predicted roughly 75% of the major party's nominations. On the other hand, as has been the case more than half the time, the Iowa winners did not win in New Hampshire. So clearly, two of the four will be incorrect this year.
Conclusion? Not really. I think the best we can say is the winners have got to be feeling good about themselves, but it ain't over yet.
Man spots wife during visit to brothel WARSAW, Poland - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.
Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.
"I was dumfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.
The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.
In lieu of a "How People Found Me" post in December, I thought I'd tip my hat to the New Year by summarizing my site stats for all of 2007. I know, I know - it's too much excitement to bear all at once. Go ahead, take a minute. I'll wait...
Better? OK, on to the fun:
Summary Stats
Visits:
18,322
Pageviews:
28,486
Pages/Visit:
1.55
Bounce Rate:
79.30%
Avg. Time on Site:
0:47
% New Visits:
88.65%
Well, it's not quite USA Today. But on an average day, fifty people around the world click over to my website and look at an average of 78 web pages. Frankly, that's a larger readership than I ever thought I'd have in any medium, let alone one that costs me nothing and offers me completely creative control. Thanks to all who stopped by last year - I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.
The Top 10 Pages
Page Name
Pageviews
% of Total
Concert Review: Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden
4,020
14.11%
I Should Be Sleeping (main page)
2,824
9.91%
Celebrity Look-Alike
1,706
5.98%
Taxi!
1,333
4.67%
Billy Joel plays the oldies…
685
2.40%
Making Yahoo Mail Work with Outlook 2003
680
2.38%
ISBS Review: "All My Life" by Billy Joel
594
2.08%
Sherry
586
2.05%
Brian
548
1.92%
Billy Joel - All My Life lyrics
538
1.88%
I like this mix a lot. It's Billy Joel, Technology, a few random odds and ends, and some personal info. Not a bad way to describe the site. The only thing missing that would really round out the year is the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, which just missed this list at #13 (424 pageviews).
The Top 10 Keywords
Keyword
Visits
% of Total
billy joel concert review
524
3.99%
billy joel concert reviews
386
2.94%
celebrity look alike
269
2.05%
billy joel concert playlist
184
1.40%
brian greenberg
114
0.87%
billy joel opening act
113
0.86%
dell wl6000 120v 6.1 stereo speakers with subwoofer
104
0.79%
billy joel all my life lyrics
90
0.69%
billy joel all my life
83
0.63%
liberty devito
82
0.62%
6,653 unique keyword searches drove 72% of the site's traffic here in 2007. I've had a lot of fun this year with the keyword searches, pointing out the stranger ones (not to mention the most pornographic ones). This list is a little dull, though, since the queries that bubble up to the top tend to be the more mundane ones that hundreds (or dozens?) of people would type exactly the same way.
The Top 10 Referring Sites
Referring Site
Visits
% of Total
gothamist.com
892
22.78%
images.google.com
622
15.89%
blogger.com
460
11.75%
google.com
313
7.99%
bloglines.com
233
5.95%
jeffporten.com
98
2.50%
scalzi.com
74
1.89%
burlaki.com
64
1.63%
mail.google.com
62
1.58%
jason.bennion.com
60
1.53%
21% of the site's traffic come from referrals like the ones above. As above, I'm very pleased with this mix. Gothamist was the flash in the pan (97% of its visits came in a four-day span, September 18-21). After that, it's the corporate feeders (google, blogger, and bloglines) and my fellow bloggers (Jeff Porten, John Scalzi, Ilya Burlak, and Jason Bennion) that drive my traffic. When Page & Brin founded Google, they referred to hyperlinking as the web's equivalent to peer-reviewed journals. I'm pleased to have such distinguished colleagues. Much obliged, gentlemen...
The Top 10 Referring Countries
Country
Visits
% of Total
United States
14,118
77.05%
Canada
1,068
5.83%
United Kingdom
827
4.51%
Australia
192
1.05%
Germany
152
0.83%
India
151
0.82%
Philippines
142
0.78%
Netherlands
100
0.55%
Spain
79
0.43%
Japan
78
0.43%
As you can see by the map, I had visitors from 129 countries in 2007, basically spanning the entire globe. We see so many graphics like this around the web these days that we take it for granted, but it's just insane that the words I write are read so broadly around the world. Obviously, the large bulk of my visits come from within the United States, but the rest of the top 10 represents almost 3,000 visits from four of the world's seven continents. The complete list covers six continents (come on, Antarctica, pull your weight around here!). So, to my international friends, I say a hearty Hello! G'Day! Guten Tag! Namaste! Huy! Hallo! Hola! and Konnichi wa! It's nice to have you here...
(Oh, and to the one guy in Liechtenstein - Hoi!)
In Conclusion A part of me wants to take this opportunity to think about how I can broaden the reach of this site, and maybe see 35,000-40,000 visitors next year, as opposed to the 18,000+ I have today. Then the sane part of me smacks that first part of me upside the head and says, "Idiot! Don't overthink these things." (Note: never underestimate the pain involved when one part of you smacks another part of you upside the head - Ed.). If there are lessons learned from 2007, they are these: write about what everyone's talking about, pray to the Google Gods, and the pageviews will come. Also, it helps to have an occasional "blog event" on your site (like the burning taxi or the Rockefeller Center Tree). I'll try to look for those in '08 as best I can, or maybe even make them up as I go along. As long as it's fun for me and entertaining for all of you. That, after all, is the point.
Familygreenberg.com Health Check - December Edition
Metric
November
December
% Change
Visits
1,942
1,452
-25.23%
Pageviews
3,226
2,317
-28.18%
Pages/Visit
1.66
1.60
-3.94%
Avg Time on Site
0:50
0:47
-5.90%
Bounce Rate
78.42%
79.68%
+1.61%
% New Visitors
87.33%
88.29%
+1.10%
Well, you can't win 'em all. After two excellent months, December fell off the cliff in a big way. I'm tempted to blame it on two things. First, I went away the last week of the month, so there was no blogging. Second, everyone else went away the last week of the month and didn't do much browsing. So maybe this is just seasonal? After all, it's the first December I'm tracking stats this way.
Hopefully, I see a rebound in January to confirm my theory. That, or I'll have to pray for another burning taxi or giant Christmas Tree outside of my office window...
It's been a long time since an "Internet joke" e-mail contained anything I wanted to see, but these came through my inbox yesterday and I was rather impressed:
Good vs. Evil:
Me & You:
Optical Illusion:
Teach & Learn:
And finally...how many F's are in this sentence:
Wrong. There are six.
Yes, I'm serious. Try it again.
Still don't believe me? How's this: the second letter of the word "of" is an F. Now read it again.
As you can see by the map, I had visitors from 129 countries in 2007, basically spanning the entire globe. We see so many graphics like this around the web these days that we take it for granted, but it's just insane that the words I write are read so broadly around the world. Obviously, the large bulk of my visits come from within the United States, but the rest of the top 10 represents almost 3,000 visits from four of the world's seven continents. The complete list covers six continents (come on, Antarctica, pull your weight around here!). So, to my international friends, I say a hearty Hello! G'Day! Guten Tag! Namaste! Huy! Hallo! Hola! and Konnichi wa! It's nice to have you here...
Last Friday, January 18, 2008, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 12,099.30. This past Friday, January 25, 2008, the DJIA closed at 12,207.17, a gain of 107.87 points. No big deal, right?
