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Inside Baseball

By Brian | September 3, 2009 | Share on Facebook

I’ve just returned from my first indoor baseball game – the Minnesota Twins played host to the Chicago White Sox in the soon-to-be football-only Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome here in Minneapolis. I realize domes have been around for a very long time, and that almost all of them are retractable nowadays, but since it was my first time, I feel the need to crack wise about it anyway.

And so, without further adieu, here is a list of the Top Ten things overheard today in the Metrodome during the Twins/White Sox game:

10. Good afternoon, sports fans, it’s a beautiful day for baseball here in Minneapolis, or at least that’s what I’m told by the folks who’ve been outside recently.

9. Tickets to the Twins game today? No thanks, it’s a beautiful day and we’re going to the zoo. Save the ballgame for when it’s cold & rainy.

8. Welcome to the ballpark. Before taking the field, please remove your shoes – we’ve just had the carpet cleaned.

7. Speaking of the carpet – you know how when you mow the outfield grass in a baseball stadium, you wind up with those horizontal stripes that reflect which way the mower was riding? Is it really necessary to put horizontal lines on AstroTurf? I mean who, exactly, do they think they’re fooling?

6. “Take me in to the ballgame, Take me in to the crowd…”

5. Ground ball to third base, the third baseman fields it . . . and calls for the five-ball in the corner pocket.

4. Only 12 more home games until the first game canceled due to severe weather…

3. Of all the available colors, why in the name of all that is holy would you make the roof the same color as a baseball?

2. Dome, Sweet Dome.

…and the number one thing overheard today in the Metrodome during the Twins/White Sox game:

1. We might not win it all this year, but wait ’till next year. Sky’s the limit!!


Topics: Sports Talk | 5 Comments »

5 Responses to “Inside Baseball”

  1. Konstantin says at September 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 am :
    I like number five!

  2. Suzanne says at September 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm :
    Nice job Brian! I’m not a fan of domed stadiums, even the retractable roof variety. Playing baseball indoors seems so unnatural. Of the few I’ve been to, Safeco was the best. Their roof is more like an umbrella, so even when it’s closed, the park is open to the outside world, and they have real grass. Death to astroturf…

  3. Joe Woods says at September 4th, 2009 at 1:30 pm :
    Regarding your point #7;
    I read this blog and afterward, while riding my motorcycle (a cranial cleansing exercise), this picayune thought popped into my head.
    Is it possible that they actually have a riding vacuum cleaner with moving brushes? If so, then it is possible that the stripes reflect the direction the vacuum cleaner was going when it made that pass at the artificial turf.

  4. Brian says at September 5th, 2009 at 12:58 am :
    @Joe – we actually discussed that in the stadium. The prevailing theory was that if the patterns were simply the carpet bending one way or the other (i.e., the result of being brushed in a certain direction), then you’d see footprints all over it when the players ran around on the field. Since that doesn’t happen, we’re thinking it’s actually different colored carpet, made to simulate the lines. Of course, we could easily be wrong on that point…

  5. FamilyGreenberg.Com - More Baseball – Weather or Not… says at October 10th, 2009 at 5:27 pm :
    [...] degrees and snow flurries, but that’s only because the Twins still play in the Metrodome (an absolutely awful, but still, indoor) place to play baseball. Next year, when the Twins move to Target Field, which [...]


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