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How People Found Me – January-March, 2010

By Brian | March 31, 2010 | Share on Facebook

And now, another installment of the irrationally popular, “How People Found Me,” in which I highlight some of the Google queries that resulted in people clicking through to I Should Be Sleeping. In today’s epside, we begin with:

1) Bizarre Billy Joel Queries

I’ve written about Billy Joel a fair amount in these pages, so I attract an eclectic array of search strings. For example:

QueryComments
billy joel doesn’t like to clean kitchen Well, for a guy who doesn’t like to clean up, he sure has a knack for ensuring that he lives alone, huh? I guess he could always hire a cleaning service…
david rosenthal with his wife billy joel David Rosenthal obviously has poor taste in women (that or a rather bizarre crush on Billy Joel)
supreme macaroni billy joel Supreme Macaroni? I guess you get that at The Italian Restaurant?

From a famous New Yorker to queries about the city itself:

2) New York, New York

QueryComments
citi field singers They may look like singers, but they’re actually trying to play baseball. An easy mistake to make…
death of window washers since 1960 nyc Just goes to show – whatever topic you can dream up, someone’s researching it on the Internet.
rockefeller family tree This one’s funny because they were probably looking for Nelson and his ancestors, and what they got was pictures of the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center.

…and if you thought New York was big enough to generate some strange queries, wait ’till you see what happens when we expand to Life, The Universe, and Everything:

3) Seeking a Higher Power…

QueryComments
getgrogger.com A purim-related query? You don’t see that everyday…
ryan seacrest ordained OK, I realize he’s omnipresent these days, and that lots of (typically teenage) people worship him, but they didn’t go and ordain him, did they?
history.com/earth History of the earth? That oughta be a long download…
name some events Any events? Maybe this was the “history of the earth” guy again…
philosophical questions thoughts Attention, those seeking the ultimate truths of the universe: start with Google. That search engine has all the answers, dude….
ways to increase life expectancy url:gov Proof that we’ve come to depend on the government for entirely too much these days…

Bringing it down a few (hundred) notches now, let’s look at some more personal queries (as in, queries about me):

4) Getting Personal

QueryComments
brian greenberg died GAAAHHH!!!! I really think someone should have informed me…
book about the greenberg family I’m not sure my accomplishments warrant such an honor. Of course, the last guy who expressed that sentiment got the Nobel Peace Prize…

..and now, some fun with technology:

5) Technically Speaking…

QueryComments
mac osx 10.4.11 porn bugs Yes, hello? My pornography isn’t working. What’s that? Yes, I am running 10.4.11, why do you ask? Ah, the problem is fixed in 10.4.12? OK, I’ll go download the upgrade. Thanks…
webkinz world is getting to old Sounds like a kid who’s ready to move on to Club Penguin.

With a list like this, some items are just too bizarre to categorize. Enjoy…

6) Funny You Should Ask…

QueryComments
pet and celebrity look a like If you look like your pet and a celebrity, you better hope you’ve got an exceptionally handsome dog, or that the celebrity is Spuds MacKenzie.
does Ikea use slave labor? Well, given that the customers do most of the work, and they have to pay for the privilege, I’d say yes – yes, they do.
i need quarters for laundry …and you thought maybe Google would give them to you?
“uncle conan, you went to harvard?” I’m guessing this was unintentional social commentary during the NBC late-night debacle. No one in that story exhibited Harvard-level smarts…
how to know if your username or password is incorrect on webkinz.com Well, if the site doesn’t let you login, that’s a pretty good sign…
how to attract cows I seriously do not want to know why someone was Googling this…
imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears I guess it depends where else your mouth would be….
ben franklin harvard endowment ice cream I can’t decide what’s funnier here – that Ben Franklin (founder of the University of Pennsylvania) would endow Harvard University, or that he would endow them with ice cream?
family guy look alikes OK, maybe the pet/celebrity from above was the Family Guy dog, Brian?

…and finally, what installment of How People Found Me would be complete without the “adults only” section (the faint of heart should stop reading here):

7) A Dirty Mind…

QueryComments
skimpy swimsuits This one’s not that dirty, but I chuckle when I think of someone Googling for skimpy swimsuits and winding up at my site. Sorry to disappoint!
nudecamps I’ve heard of baseball camps, soccer camps, even sleep-away camps, but this has got to be an (ahem) interesting way to spend a summer…
we’re the ones you should be sleeping with Brought to you by the OMOA (Overconfident Men of America).
letting someone f*** my sleeping wife No, the original queries did not have the asterisks. I’m not judging anyone, but if that’s what you’re into, why Google it? And again, sorry you wound up at my site – definitely not what you were looking for…

Well, folks, this concludes another edition of How People Found Me. I hope you had a good time. See you again in a few months. Until then, keep those queries coming!

Topics: Tech Talk | 3 Comments »

3 Responses to “How People Found Me – January-March, 2010”

  1. Jeff Porten says at April 1st, 2010 at 6:20 pm :
    There are no Mac OS X porn bugs that I’m aware of (and I guess I’d be doubly qualified to know).

    Ben Franklin endowment: Ben famously set aside a savings account each for Boston and Philadelphia, with instructions that it not be touched for 200 years of compounded interest. IIRC, Philly did something screwy with the money and had enough available to throw a party, while Boston let it sit and used it to revamp half their infrastructure. Wouldn’t be a bit surprised if an ice cream party for all of Harvard was part of that.

  2. Ilya says at April 5th, 2010 at 2:01 pm :
    I get “bryan greenberg smoking” inquiries once in a while… Of course, they are likely looking for this guy.

  3. Jeff Porten says at April 5th, 2010 at 10:44 pm :
    I would pay good money for pictures of Brian Greenberg smoking. Those would be useful.

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