The World Wide Weird
The 119 words WGN reporters can’t say on television
Friday, March 12th, 2010The CEO of the Tribune Company has posted a list of 119 broadcast news cliches that he doesn’t want his anchors or reporters to use anymore on the air.
But what’s even stranger is that Ian Chillag of National Public Radio has put them all in a single sentence:
In other news, stay tuned, because in our top story tonight, some really good (or bad) news: as expected, in a surprise move yesterday, informed sources say, a world class icon, diva, mother of all motorists, and famed undocumented alien, lauded for putting area residents at risk and in harm’s way, but at this point in time behind bars for allegations that — according to sketchy details that, to be fair, have officials and authorities under fire for speaking out — he reportedly engaged in shower activity with all of you folks at 5 am in the morning, underwent surgery, utilized an undisclosed vehicle in torrential rain in a near miss manhunt when it was time for a break, literally fled on foot, completely surprised his mother with a clash with bare naked police behind closed doors, definitely possibly completely destroyed a medical hospital under false pretenses, and is lucky to be alive after, the fact of the matter is, he lent a helping hand to a legendary incarcerated pedestrian lone gunman (the perpetrator who over in a neighboring state, perished in a perfect storm of no brainers and things that went terribly wrong, and was plagued by killing sprees in which he gave 110% only to have his senseless murders marred by the untimely deaths of guys and folks whose fatal deaths came in the wake of auto accidents, and while it may be a mute point, let’s everybody touch base on the fact that he was under seige in the wake of unrest after shots rang out in close proximity of the best kept secret on the campaign trail which had authorities reeling up in one place and down in another, and going forward, the alleged aftermath of the death toll for youths behind the podium exceeds those out there, down there, and out in that other place by a two to one margin), is seeking white stuff for those of you that want it, and thus, we’ll explain what he did when we’ll be back — we’ll be right back, after the break and after these commercial messages, and we say “we’re back,” “welcome back,” or “welcome back everybody.”
For more on this story, film at eleven…
Categories: News and/or Media, The World Wide Weird | No Comments »
What’s in a name?
Monday, March 1st, 2010This just in: Bernie Madoff’s daughter-in-law, Stephanie Madoff, has asked the New York Supreme Court for permission to change her last name, and the last name of her two sons, from “Madoff” to “Morgan,” citing security concerns amidst death threats received by the Madoff family.
So, just to review: Bernie Madoff’s family wants/needs to change their name, but Osama bin Laden’s wife and son are fine co-authoring a book using their given name.
It’s a strange world, folks. I wonder which family engenders more anger these days…
Categories: The World Wide Weird | 3 Comments »
Easy as One, Two, Three . . . Four?
Thursday, February 25th, 2010Hey – sorry I’ve been away so long. Sometimes I’ve got a dozen things I want to talk about & sometimes I go a week with nothing to say. Funny, that…
Anyway, to make it up to you all, here are the instructions for accessing the WiFi at the Omni Hotel in Charlotte, NC. As you can see, it’s as easy as 1-2-3 (or something like that):
Categories: The World Wide Weird | 1 Comment »
Happy Halloween!
Friday, October 30th, 2009You know your kids are getting older when their friends start pulling their Halloween costumes straight out of the headlines:
And no, that’s not my son.
(Hat tip: Lisa Rafal)
Categories: Family Matters, The World Wide Weird | No Comments »
Arnold Flips the Legislature the Bird
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009Fifty governors, but only Schwarzenegger can pull this off:
Seems like a pretty innocuous veto, until you read down the left-hand column of letters, that is. ;-)
(I had to scale the image down to make it fit on the blog. Click on the image itself (or click here to see a clearer version of the note).
Categories: Political Rantings, The World Wide Weird | 4 Comments »
Ikea Takes an Allen Wrench to its Branding
Saturday, August 29th, 2009What could cheap furniture maker extraordinaire, Ikea, do that would create reactions like this?
“Ikea, stop the . . . madness!” – Tokyo
“Horrific!” – Dublin
“It’s a sad day” – Typophile Online Forum
“The . . . community feels betrayed. If a company like Ikea can make this mistake, you have to wonder who is going to lead . . . ” – Bucharest
“Words can’t describe my disgust. It’s a bit like using Lego to build a skyscraper, when steel is clearly a superior choice.” – Melbourne
“It’s like taking the family sedan off-road. It will sort of work, but ultimately gets bogged down” – London
What have they done? Have they made faulty furniture? Supported an unpopular political candidate? Employed child slave labor to write cryptic instructions in Swedish for unsuspecting American bargain hunters? What could Ikea have possibly done that would surpass the death of Ted Kennedy on Twitter’s Trending Topics page?!?
Categories: The World Wide Weird | 4 Comments »
A Fool to Some of the People, All of the Time
Friday, July 24th, 2009Time Magazine Poll: Now that Walter Cronkite has passed on, who is America’s most trusted newscaster?
From which we learn: The most trustworthy man is the man who tells us upfront that he’s lying to us.
Fan-frickin’-tastic.
Categories: News and/or Media, The World Wide Weird | 2 Comments »
Two Funny Deaths…
Thursday, July 9th, 2009Yes, I know – it’s never funny when someone dies.
Except maybe this guy from two years ago.
And then there’s these two from this week:
Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener;
That is what he really used to be…
Man Falls Into Chocolate Vat; Dies
Oompa Loompa doompadee doo;
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee;
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.What do you do when your worker falls flat?
Tumbling into a chocolate vat?
Why didn’t he stay away from the side?
Then he would not have slipped and died!(All covered with chocolate)
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah;
If you’ve good balance, you will go far.
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do…
Categories: The World Wide Weird | 2 Comments »
Hugging Epidemic?
Friday, May 29th, 2009From the New York Times’ Style section:
There is so much hugging at Pascack Hills High School in Montvale, N.J., that students have broken down the hugs by type:
There is the basic friend hug, probably the most popular, and the bear hug, of course. But now there is also the bear claw, when a boy embraces a girl awkwardly with his elbows poking out. There is the hug that starts with a high-five, then moves into a fist bump, followed by a slap on the back and an embrace. There’s the shake and lean; the hug from behind; and, the newest addition, the triple — any combination of three girls and boys hugging at once.
“We’re not afraid, we just get in and hug,” said Danny Schneider, a junior at the school, where hallway hugging began shortly after 7 a.m. on a recent morning as students arrived. “The guy friends, we don’t care. You just get right in there and jump in.”
There are romantic hugs, too, but that is not what these teenagers are talking about.
Which is, of course, followed by this:
A measure of how rapidly the ritual is spreading is that some students complain of peer pressure to hug to fit in. And schools from Hillsdale, N.J., to Bend, Ore., wary in a litigious era about sexual harassment or improper touching — or citing hallway clogging and late arrivals to class — have banned hugging or imposed a three-second rule.
That’s right, folks. A three-second rule for hugging. I’m guessing the school has hall monitors walking around with stop watches? Or maybe all clothing now requires a pressure-sensitive timer?
All of which leads to ridiculous paragraphs like these:
Comforting as the hug may be, principals across the country have clamped down. “Touching and physical contact is very dangerous territory,” said Noreen Hajinlian, the principal of George G. White School, a junior high school in Hillsdale, N.J., who banned hugging two years ago. “It was needless hugging — they are in the hallways before they go to class. It wasn’t a greeting. It was happening all day.”
But pro-hugging students say it is not a romantic or sexual gesture, simply the “hello” of their generation. “We like to get cozy,” said Katie Dea, an eighth grader at Claire Lilienthal Alternative School in San Francisco. “The high-five is, like, boring.”
Needless hugging? Pro-hugging students?
Wasn’t there a time, not that long ago, when we were concerned about students shooting each other in school? Wasn’t the big post-Monicagate topic in schools about whether oral sex was really sex? Less than ten years on, and now “touching . . . is very dangerous?”
It’s become like a reality show: get through twelve years of school without getting arrested or sued for something, and you get to go to college.
(Hat tip: Anthony Campisi)
Categories: The World Wide Weird | No Comments »
Is it Real?
Tuesday, May 5th, 2009The Onion has a long history of classic headlines, such as Misbuttoned Coat Makes Perfectly Sane Woman Look Like Raving Lunatic and For Gay Couple, Fulfilling Lifelong Dream Of Marriage Not Worth Moving To Iowa.
Occasionally, one comes upon a real headline and figures it must have been from a wayward Onion story that escaped and found it’s way into a real newsfeed. Case in point:
London mayor shocked at ‘fat’ waxwork model
LONDON (AFP) – London mayor Boris Johnson vowed Tuesday to exercise more, after voicing shock at how fat he was as portrayed by a new waxwork model.“It’s only when you see yourself in 3D res (three dimensions) you realise just how fat you are. I have got to get out and start jogging more,” he said, standing next to his wax lookalike at Madame Tussauds in London.
“I have to lose some weight. But it is a brilliant job they have done. It is an amazing, eerie, lifelike, spooky version of myself,” he added.
Apparently, someone needs to get Mayor Johnson a mirror. Or possibly a doctor. Perhaps a family member or close friend?
Categories: The World Wide Weird | No Comments »