Random Acts of Blogging
Dave Barry’s Year in Review
Monday, February 9th, 2009I used to read Dave Barry’s stuff all the time, and then he kind of fell off my radar. This afternoon, his name popped into my head for some reason, so I went searching, and wound up at his annual Year in Review. This feature of his never disappoints, and 2008 is no exception.
Here are some samples, but as the Instapundit likes to say, read the whole thing!
JANUARY. . . begins, as it does every four years, with presidential contenders swarming into Iowa and expressing sincerely feigned interest in corn.
In FEBRUARY . . . the undefeated New England Patriots lose the Super Bowl to the New York Giants in a stunning upset that confounds the experts, not to mention Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which had $38 billion on the Pats to win.
In MARCH . . . the troubled Olympic torch becomes embroiled in a protest riot in Athens; witnesses claim the torch ”reeked of alcohol.”
In APRIL . . . John McCain gets wind of something called the ”Internet” and orders his staff to give him a summary of it on index cards.
In MAY . . . both the Kentucky Derby and the Indianapolis 500 are won by Usain Bolt.
In JUNE . . . the scientific community is elated by NASA’s announcement that the Phoenix lander has detected ice on Mars. The elation turns to concern when, several hours later, the lander detects a Zamboni machine.
In JULY . . . the economic news continues to worsen with the discovery that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have sent $87 billion to a Nigerian businessman with a compelling e-mail story.
In AUGUST . . . Barack Obama, continuing to shake up the establishment, selects as his running mate Joe Biden, a tireless fighter for change since he was first elected to the U.S. Senate in 1849.
In SEPTEMBER . . . the Republican convention gets off to a tentative start in St. Paul when President Bush and Vice President Cheney are unable to attend, partly because of Hurricane Gustav, and partly because the organizers told them that the convention was in Atlanta.
In OCTOBER . . . the entire nation rejoices as the World Series is won, yet again, by a team other than the New York Yankees.
In NOVEMBER . . . Barack Obama, in a historic triumph, becomes the nation’s first black president since the second season of 24, setting off an ecstatically joyful and boisterous all-night celebration that at times threatens to spill out of The New York Times newsroom.
and in DECEMBER . . . The CEOs of the Increasingly Small Three auto makers return to Washington to resume pleading for a bailout, this time telling Congress that if they can reach an agreement that day, they will throw in the undercoating, the satellite-radio package AND a set of floor mats. ”We’re actually LOSING MONEY on this deal!” they assure Congress.
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Bill Gates Releases More Bugs into the World
Sunday, February 8th, 2009Bill Gates, speaking at the always awesome Technology, Entertainment & Design (TED) conference, made a point about the dangers of mosquito-spread malaria by releasing a handful of mosquitoes into the crowd, stating, “There’s no reason that only poor people should be infected,” and then after a few seconds of nervous laughter, telling them that his mosquitoes were malaria free. (The video, which is about twenty minutes long, but well worth the watching, is here).
Some folks were not amused:
Peggy McClure, a retired educator from San Jose who has an uncommon but life threatening allergy to mosquito bites, had this to say:
“I was appalled. I have anaphylactic shock reaction to mosquitoes. I have actually been bitten in Los Angeles County where he did this and had to be hospitalized. Everyday I sleep with a mosquito net in San Jose. Obviously this is wasn’t a very smart idea… to those of us who have to walk around with an EpiPen in our purse every day. I applaud what he’s doing to eradicate malaria. I just think he should realize that live mosquitoes aren’t good.”
Yeah, she’s right. Mr. Gates – it was a cheap stunt that got your talk more publicity than it would otherwise get, but here’s a thought: if the canister you opened turned out to be empty, you’d have made the same point without putting anyone’s health at risk. Maybe next time, ‘mkay?
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New Rules for Groundhog Day this year…
Monday, February 2nd, 2009
Given the current state of the U.S. Economy, the following new rules will be instituted for this year’s annual Groundhog Day celebration festivities:
- If Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow when he emerges from his hole tomorrow morning, there will be six more weeks of winter. Similarly, if Timothy Geithner sees his shadow when he emerges from the White House tomorrow morning, there will be six more weeks of Financial Crisis.
- If Punxsutawney Phil does not see his shadow, half of his compensation will be deferred over a three year period. Also, strict rules will be imposed as to the amount of wood an executive woodchuck would be allowed to chuck, if indeed he would chuck wood (New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is currently investigating this point).
- If the number of groundhog shadow sightings continues to drop at the current rate, one of two things will happen. Either:
- Punxsutawney Phil will be laid off and compensation rules for all groundhogs will be imposed by the federal government, or
- Punxsutawney Phil will receive a substantial grant from the federal TARP program (the Tree-dwelling Animal and Rodent Program). This option will be taken if, upon careful inspection and an official weighing, it is determined that Phil is “too big to fail.”
We hope that these new regulations help to stem the tide of our growing difficulties before similar measures become necessary with regard to Arbor Day, Flag Day, Halloween and Christmas.
Thank you and God Bless America…
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Books for Women; Books for Men
Friday, January 30th, 2009
Taking a commuter train every morning, I see dozens of people reading this book. I’ve noticed 100% of them are women. And no wonder – the full title is, “Eat, Pray, Love – One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia.” I can’t imagine a title that would make me less interested in reading a book. Combine that with words on the cover spelled out in pasta, yarn and wild flowers and I am SO gone…
Now, contrast that with this book. It’s full title is, “Drink, Play, F@#k – One Man’s Search for Anything Across Ireland, Las Vegas, and Thailand.” The words on the cover are spelled out in beer bottle caps, casino chips and condoms. Clearly, they’re shooting for that target audience that is so put off by the first book.
I’ll admit to being curious, although the whole strategy backfires when I decide not to buy the second book, because I figure I’d need to at least know something about the first book to really appreciate the ironic humor. Ah well, you’ve got to give Andrew Gottlieb some credit for trying, though…
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Far Side Classics Quiz
Thursday, January 29th, 2009Wil Wheaton was blogging about The Far Side
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All My Faves
Sunday, January 18th, 2009If you’ve ever tried to put together a bookmark list, click here.
Trust me…
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Caveat Amicus
Saturday, January 17th, 2009
Since December 1st, the following things have happened to people I know:
- One guy’s mother passed away.
- One guy’s wife had a miscarriage (same guy who’s mother passed away)
- One couple’s 2-year old daughter came down with pneumonia
- One couple’s 9-year old son was hospitalized with extreme stomach pain
- One guy’s uncle died (the father of the 9-year old who was hospitalized)
- One guy’s father was diagnosed and treated for bladder cancer
- Another guy (roughly my age) was diagnosed with colon cancer
- One guy’s dog died
- One woman’s uncle died
- One woman’s sister gave birth at 30 weeks (same woman who’s uncle died.
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The Five Living Presidents
Saturday, January 10th, 2009Barack Obama had lunch yesterday at the White House with the four other living Presidents and ex-Presidents:
For the record, despite appearances, I’m told that Jimmy Carter was not played by a cardboard-cutout of Jimmy Carter. Then again, Photoshop is a powerful tool and we shouldn’t take anything for granted these days.
Anyway, the picture made me think of this picture from Richard Nixon’s funeral in 1994:
Since ’94, we’ve had two ex-Presidents die, and we’ve elected two more. All part of our Presidential replacement program, I guess…
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Random Acts of Blogging – 1/9/09
Saturday, January 10th, 2009Happy New Year to all! We start off 2009 here at I Should Be Sleeping with a random smattering of things I’ve seen since New Year’s that I thought you’d find fascinating:
First, there’s Burger King. Last month, we discussed their new meat-scented cologne. Now, they’ve gone hi-tech. The Whopper Sacrifice
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Six Degrees of Barack Obama
Sunday, December 21st, 2008Barack Obama, who could be the most easily predicted Time Person of the Year
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